i sit on a bed that isn't mine, looking at a boy who isn't mine.
"...have i told you this already?" he asks. "yup," i reply.
we do this a lot now, but not too often so that seems routine.
routine is something that happens when people are together.
and everyone knows we never get that far.
he's moved on to a different story now and i am laughing so hard that tears are gathering at the corner of my eyes. he stops his story and leans in closer to me, looking at me so hard that i know i have to mean something more than he lets me believe.
i look away thinking, what's going to happen? when is this thing we don't really have going to end?
he cups my chin, "are you looking forward to college yet?" i shrug and say, "more than before, but i guess there are just a lot of things i'm going to miss."
we are so good at repeating ourselves, talking ourselves into and out of things, and lying out loud (but mostly to ourselves).
"me too," he says and kisses me. and i let him, because we both know he's said enough to get me to stay.
-sue

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